Archive for January, 2012

Girl you know, I Hate to See you Go…!!!

Goodbyes are generally sad and end up in tears in most cases. But my last day in college ended in unexpected joys and events that a poet can think of while making his best poems. Being a centre of attraction has always been my hobby, good or bad. I compiled the pictures of my college life in KL and   make up a video and showed all my class mates on projector. I got positive responses and a few sad farewell words. But what can suck the most that towards the end of college the girl you have always liked decides to like you back. Place you were ready to leave suddenly starts stopping you and you have no options to choose from. But sometimes in life it is very hard to make a decision and start walking a way without thinking about making decision.

That quite well known face to me, that Beautiful, charming, classy, splendid, pleasant and lovely face of her bright like sunlight always attracts me like moon like attracts the waves of sea. Her jubilant, stunning, gorgeous deep black eyes are beyond words to describe. I know when they look at me, they halt me, for a moment I feel they take the soul out of my body. For a single moment I forget about my existence, my problems, my being and try to look into those deep ravishing eyes. The eyes when bow brings all the religions of the words at one place. Eyes when rise takes the millions breaths away. Her milky skin combine to a sculpture. Feels like a sculpture that belonged to ancient  gods of a mysterious world. How would they take care of her, how would they love her. I believe even worship won’t do justice to her guts.

With similarly such a soul, I spent a evening out of few, to remember lifetime. She reserved herself as much as she could. Because she was cautions that I may not fall for her. Unknown of the fact she was that I had fell before she realized. She gave me nearly everything I wanted; for she knew I wouldn’t ask her something she may not give or get upset. I don’t know weather or not I made my moves without giving much thought, but having her around everything feels right. Sometimes looking at her eyes I felt they crying for freedom. Yelling and shouting and pleading that don’t trap me in the cage of relationships, in the device of society, in the hook of religion and set me free. That, she wanted to blow like a wind; comforting thousands souls at once. But the words she spoke, nobody understands. She tries hard but doesn’t think of any other way to make people understand.

Touching her palms of the hands was so soothing, like a bone-fire in the middle of snowy mountains. Her hair like dark grey clouds, like comforting quilts, like a life saving shed in the burning sunlight. When i touch her hair, that evening, and try to rearrange, i felt so excitement. Like a kid, when he sees his favourite toy. I wanted to touch her lips with my fingers but I managed to find excuse to get close to them. I applied lipstick with my own hands on her appealing lips. I knew I couldn’t do it perfectly because my heart was beating so fast i could feel it in my throat and my fingers were shivering and managed to get hold on myself. So close, yet so far. I offered her my open arms she smiled and walked away. But what I saw in her eyes that moment, She wanted to hug me. It just happened to her for a single moment and that thought went away. I smiled back.

I wish clouds could start raining few minutes earlier. So I could have a wonderful excuse to spend more time with that magical soul. I can never forget that moment when she gave me warmth of her handshake and her traditional smile, and started walking. That moments is still there in my memory, in my misty wild rain, she walking away from me and she turned four times to wave goodbye. And that’s when I realized that girl I hate to see you go. For the next 90 mints I was waiting at the same spot where she left me, waiting for rain to end. But I was lost in that moment, It was like she never left that place…

Awais Rehman…


The Future Tense

I woke up with a bold voice trying to call my name, wake me up. I looked at him, at the door way, in my blur vision.  He was the landlord of the house we had just rented. Soon as I recognized him, I asked him to come in and sit. He said he was in rush and that he has to leave. “Please empty the 3rd room as soon as you can as I have another customer to check in from today” he added. I told him that will be take care of by the evening when everybody comes back home from work. Then he was busy with the clients showing them around. I was extremely disappointed. It wasn’t disappointment, it was some other feeling i believe. It was someone-entering-your-house-without-you knowing feeling.

But I kind of saw this coming. Difference is it came too early than I had anticipated. I don’t like this place. This place demotivates me, degrades me, devalues me. I have tried my best but I can’t be the person I am in this shit hole. The landlord asked me to empty a room and he promised the client the room that we were using already. This is going to be very bad. Ever since I have moved into this house bad luck is at it’s top. Nothing is working in my way. My health, my education, my work, my finances and my friends. I have no clue what I should do. I have no money left. I have to reorganize, redirect my life from the beginning. I believe this is one of  the major issues why living in abroad sucks.

I have no clue how the next day life is going to be. I have to go to college, attend two classes, talk to the management for the approval of using the a/v facilities for my final presentation. I have only RM5 in my pocket and I have to eat a dinner and a breakfast before thinking about purchasing a train ticket to College. I have never felt this vulnerable in my whole life. A job that you master in but you can’t have because you don’t belong here, A place you have paid for but you can’t control the public coming in and going out, the stomach that keeps asking and a heart that keeps desiring. For a human being it is too hard to make everything perfect, make everybody happy.