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Came across this movie a couple of days ago on a torrent named “rare desi movies collection”. As usual I looked up the movie on IMDB and decided to give it a go. I really love the movies where there are very few characters and depth in the story. 

So the whole movie is about a phone conversation between a boy and a girl. Total strangers they were, they talked all night. It was amazing how strangers gives you comfort of freedom and free you from the fear of being judged. I really wanna call it a natural psychotherapy. I have just finished this movie and couldn’t keep myself from adding it to my blog. How they conversed, from kinky, flirty talk suddenly changes to relationships, wanting things from life, how different people are, about love and letting go. Not about finding yourself. I really hate this statement when someone says anything about finding themselves. It’s total bull crap. This movie is about creating yourself. At least this is the message I get. There may be a lot of loose ends in the movie, dialogues is all this movie is about actually. And I, being so much in love with the fundamental idea of words and their depth of expression, fell in love with the intensity of conversation that took place in this 120 min movie. Specially the last 20 minutes or so when things got serious and noting you could anticipate. It is one of those movies that when they end, they leave you thinking for so many days. 

A simple recommendation to all of you guys who think expression of words is superior to everything. 

P.s I deleted all the memory of her from my phone. When you watch this movie you’ll know what I meant. Cheers. 


Good old days…

I started reading books when my high school sweet heart was married to some body else. The very first book that I read was some thriller by Sydney Sheldon. It kept me occupied. That was nearly ten years ago. Had I read “The Great Gatsby” in those days, I would have known that rich girls don’t marry poor boys. In my case only, the guy she was married to was rich. Over the years I have been writing small blog posts that no one reads. The feeling of being greatest writer in me just comes and goes like a mood. Sometimes work keeps me occupied and sometimes I keep myself occupied with work.

In my childhood years, watching a movie was a greatest adventures available. You could tell how many houses in the neighborhood have VCRs and what movie they played. It would be the talk of the evening in the entire neighborhood. One of those houses was called “Masi Sakeena’s House”. Masi is the name of relation. Sister of your mother. As we call “uncle” with respect to every guys who looks as old as your father, same was the case with calling someone “Masi”. She used to sell children’s accessories in her house to amuse herself. She was crippled and spend the rest of her life on a cot for as long as I was going to their house to buy chocolates and marshmallows and candies and what not.

There was a small table in the corner of the small veranda right opposite of her cot. We would go, choose our articles, walk to her cot, show her the stuff and she will speak the price and we would pay. Her money was kept in a small tin box that was once bought with milk powder in it and now used for money.

On every Friday, there was a movie show in her house at 3 o’clock. We would of course pay one rupee to watch the movie and that would easily cover the rental cost of VHS tape of ten rupees from the one of the only two video centers in town. It would always be a Bollywood movie , and always a action thriller. I’m taking about 1990’s. Most of the movies would end with hero rescuing the girl by killing the villain. After the movie we would feel an immense energy and power in us. And we would tell each other that when I grow up, I’ll become like Sunjay Dutt and kill out maths teacher who always punishes me in the school. We would get into useless quarrels with our friends no less just to let out the hero that had just grown in us. After a while, we go about our routine and forgot all about that hero. This was when I was 9 years I guess.

Now, when I can buy tickets using my phone and go to luxurious cinemas to watch movies, I still bring someone with me on my way back from the theater. That is, the writer in me. Almost after every movie, I would tell myself, oh! This was such a simple story why I couldn’t think of that? Or, this movie was nearly the same as I had thought once in my mind. Of course that ain’t true. One of these days, I keep telling myself, I’m going to write for the screen and I’ll get my first book or a short story published and become famous.

My girlfriend always gets angry at me when I don’t tell her that what she has cooked is so delicious. I used to get mad at her but realized later on that it means a great deal to you. Writing is no less than cooking, after you’re done you anxiously wanna know how your work is perceived by others. Although it shouldn’t mean much to you, but something inside of us will become more and more happy if we hear what we do matters and what we do helps others.

Ted was a magician. One of those guys who, when you go dine in certain restaurants, will come at your table and play some card or coin tricks. He was that kind of magician. One day, as he was doing his routine, doing his card tricks from table to table, he came across an old couple on a table.

“Hi Good evening, my name is Ted, would like to see some magic”.

“Why sure young man, I would love to see the magic but unfortunately I’m blind”. Replied old man.

Ted was surprised and embarrassed at the same time because he wasn’t paying attention to the couple, he never did. He always thought about what he is going to say next. He found out that it was very conspicuous that guy was blind. He wasn’t looking up, just staring at the table.

“I’m terribly sorry”, Ted said with an apologetic tone. “I don’t have anything to show you then, but I promise you next time when you come here, I’ll have something prepared for you”.

The old couple showed up after two weeks. Ted recognized them and approached to their table.

“Hi, good evening. I’m Ted”.

Hi Teddy, we are back again, show us what you got.” said the blind man with an enthusiastic tone.

Ted was in disbelief as he had not prepared anything to display to the blind old man. He wasn’t sure if they will show up again to begin with.

“I’ll be right here with you, I’ve got something to show you”, Ted replied and hurriedly walked to the prop room.

He started talking stock of the things around, thinking about the tricks that he had learned so far, but nothing came to his mind that he can please the blind old man with.

After some moments of thinking and skimming through, he opened a small cabinet, took a new deck of cards, stuffed it in his jacket pocket and went back to the old couple and sat down opposite the old man.

Ed was the name of the old man, as he came to know.

“Ed, do you believe your wife”? Inquired Ted.

“Sometimes”. Old man said with a grin on his face.

“Would you believe your wife now”? Ted specified the question.

“Sure”. Replied the blind man.

“So I’m going to give the deck of cards to your wife to shuffle and to make sure all cards are perfect and none is tempered or marked”. Ted explained and slid the deck to her wife.

Wife confirmed cards weren’t tempered or marked and she shuffled and returned to Ted.

“Ed, I’m going to place a card in front of you and you have to tell me if that’s a red card or the black, do you understand me”? Ted asked. 

Ed smiled and nodded.

Ted placed the first card and asked Ted.

“Red”, said Ed.

“Correct”, exclaimed Ted.

“How about this”, asked Ted after placing another card in front of Ed.

“Black”. Replied Ed with a smile this time.

“Correct as well”. Said Ted.

And then Ted kept placing cards one after another and Ed kept saying “red, black, black, red, red, red, black, red, red, black, red, black with excitement so much as to get the attention of all the customers at restaurant. Suddenly, the whole restaurant was quiet and looking at their table, and only audible sound was red, black, red and laughers of Ed.

Ted completed the whole deck and not a single card Ed got wrong. Ted looked at his wife. She was weeping the tears of joy.

Later on, Ed told Ted that he can’t wait for the holidays to meet his grand children so that he can freak them out with this trick.

That was the last day Ted worked as so-called magician job to entertain the people and he decided to use his trick to connect with people. Today, Ted (Brian Miller) is renowned magician in the world who does his shows to connect with people’s emotions. His web page is (


Trick of the Trade: What ted did while sitting opposite the old man on the table is that he tapped Ed’s feet once when he asked “if you feel this is a red card” and tapped twice and asked “if you feel like it’s black”. That’s how Ted connected to Ed.





Awais Rehman

  She was an ordinary girl with extraordinary features. She had a posture like a roman goddess, deep brown eyes, round face and fluffy cheeks. With an Indian family background, her fair complexion was dear to most. Along with everything else, she wore pride as her cloak. And to be frank, responses that she used to receive from boys around her, she deserved that much arrogance. From her school days she knew most of the boys in her class wanted her. Not necessarily in a sexual way but they would do a great deal for the sake of sharing homework with her, a walk to the bus station, grabbing a lunch and simple stuff like that. She was very friendly, of course, and as a result she used to have a large circle of friends and going out with them was a hobby most dear to her. 

When she was in college, most of her school friends didn’t make it or some of them chose different paths in life, she was surrounded by different people but with same desires. But often in college canteens or in library when she went about her routines, she began to realize that boys have begun staring at her gold neckless that her mother gave her on her 16th birthday. It was only later that she realized that they were looking at her breasts. 

“I like to wear my shirts like this so boys can see my cleavage”. One day her friend had told her while returning home from a late afternoon class. 

With a fair skin, natural curls on the ends of her hair and breasts now growing like mushrooms, she was prone to draw attention. Often in her private moments In front of the mirror she would look at her figure and smile to herself. She now knew what she was capable of. Many boys demanded her attention but she was nervous to respond to them. They would write their intentions, fold it in a piece of paper and drop it in her lap while walking across her so that no one will notice. She enjoyed reading them. 

“I’ll wait for you in the carpark after the class, please come at once as I have to tell you something important”.

“You’re very beautiful, please call me on my number”.

One of them even went up to extent that she could no longer tolerate it and complained to the principle and embarrassed the guy before the whole class. 

“I want to touch your whole body and smell your skin and bring you to the ecstasy”. It had read. 

After that she kept receiving invites, messages, emails and instant messages on her msn messenger but she was so in love with the idea of people wanting her that she didn’t wish to want anyone in return. For she was afraid that once she gave in, she would lose the luxury of being desired. 

Her friend, who told her about how she liked boys staring her cleavage became her best friend. Not for that reason of course, but they could get along very well. Moreover they got the admission in the same bachelors program at a local college campus. The friend was very outgoing with boys and both liked to drink. Only difference was that the friend, after getting drunk, would go along with boy in a nearby hotel and enjoy a session of intimacy. She like drinking and getting to know different boys, talk to them, dance with them and even letting them touch her shoulders and arms and hands while on the dance floor and her dancing companion staring at her matured breasts trying their best to take a peace of it. They would make many offers, but she chose her principles over her desires. Whenever she believed that things are getting off hands, she would suck a bitter lime, get in her car and drive back home, alone. 

When she would arrive at a local bar where she was known to have visited frequently, things would get very delightful. One of the Dj in a bar wanted to score with her, so when she would arrive he would send her messages by playing songs of love and desire. But people come to bar to drink and to dance, no one cares if a song is a message from a Dj. Dj failed terribly. 

One night, she dressed in her black blouse with shoulder stripes and her curly hair dancing on her shoulders as she walked into a local bar with her regular friend who was wearing a utterly revealing blue dress. As they sat down and begun drinking, 3 boys joined them. They were acquaintances from same college. They began talking about their clothes and music and types of liquors they know, how fast can they drink and stuff. She kept her posture, drank with an easy pace and enjoyed the conversation and the music. 

The friend excused to go to women’s and one of 3 guys accompanied her. She was silent and remaining two guys were talking something to each other which was inaudible in the sound of the music. The friend arrived back and the boy followed after a while. As drinking carried on the friend spoke in her ear that these boys know a different place where we can go and drink, moreover it’s on them. She didn’t like the idea entirely but somehow followed the suit as she found it to be rude to leave her friend alone in a bar with 3 guys. Especially when they are hungrily looking at their breasts. They left the bar took a short walk and reached to an establishment that looked like a hotel. She was very surprised and asked the friend and the friend replied to her that we are going to drink in a hotel room so that we can have some quiet time. 

“When you leave a bar to a hotel room, you don’t drink, you get fucked”. She thought to herself angrily but since she was caught in the moment, she didn’t protest. 

Hotel was a acceptable building, and what could you expect from a hotel that runs on the drunk couples renting rooms in the middle of the night. 

Room was small with one double and one single bed on both sides and a small attached bathroom. They had two bottles of whiskey and some ice in the small fridge. As they started drinking and begin to talk about their lives and how they wish they had lived and achieved things, the friend started behaving mischievously. She was sitting close to the guy who accompanied her to the women’s in the bar. The friend started to pull that guys shoulder and begun telling him that he is tired and he should take a shower. Guy protested calmly but couldn’t resist no longer. The friend took her to the bathroom door pushed that guy gently inside and closed the door, then she looked at other tenants in the room and they stared at her. The friend was undoubtedly high, after giving a smile she opened the bathroom door again and went inside and locked the door from inside. 

She was astonished by her friend’s feat. In the hotel room that smelled of sex, condoms and cheap perfumes, she was with 2 boys who were staring at her while clinging the ice in their glasses. Unsure of how to respond to this situation, she tried to stay calm and took a deep gulp from her drink. The awkward silence was broken by shuddering sound of the toilet seat in the bathroom, following by giggling and moaning. They were doing it in the bathroom. 

One of the guys in the room understood the nervousness on her face and said “don’t worry everything is okay, if they are doing it, they are doing it. We can’t do anything, can we”? 

He was right but her presence in this room was wrong. She was scared of them making any move towards her. She had desires but she can’t be humped by two almost stranger guys in an all-night-fuck hotel. The moaning continued from the bathroom and now both of the guys were at the bathroom door and looking through the keyhole and smiling. One of the guys invited her to come and look through the key hole and see how amazing was the view. She lost it there, she finished her drink and grabbed her bag and told both boys that she is going to get something to eat as she is terribly hungry and left the room with a stern face. She walked the corridor, avoided the lift as she was scared that while waiting for the lift, one of the boys might come for her. She opened the door to fire exit, took her heels in her hands and bare feet, she ran down the 4 floors as fast as she had never done before in her life. She ran from the hotel towards the parking and threw herself in the driving seat and drove off. After driving a few blocks, she parked her car on a street side, turned on radio at max volume and wept. She yelled, cried and punched her hands against the steering for few moments to let her frustration and her agony go away. After a while, she felt little better, she switched off the radio slowly rode back home. 

She lost a friend that night, saved her from being possibility molested, and she learned a lesson. 

Years have passed and she always left the bar to go home. Back on her old principles. Suck the bitter lemon, get in the car, drive back home, alone. 

I Dreamed A Dream…!

I have always believed that all the good  thing in life are recognized by knowing their bad sides. It doesn’t matter how dark may be the night; when you see stars you recognize that is the light. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. Like a rainbow of life which is always colorful but sometimes it takes effort to understand the colors. Perhaps.

Wired up in my headset with audio-books playing, last night was no different from the many nights that I have slept. But it turned out to be different somehow as I fell asleep and I dreamed this dream. I dreamed this dream during the time gone by; I saw hopes were high and life was more than worth living; I dreamed about an undying love. Of all the dreams that I’ve seen, the ones that are now used and wasted; this dream made me feel young and unafraid. I dreamed that the world was at war and the cities and towns were scattered. People were dying and people were killing and mothers running here and there to provide the safety for their children and young men fighting for their pride. I saw you and I saw me, we both were unaware of such troubles and preparing to meet each other. In the mirror I could see you looking at your face asking million questions to yourself about how do you look and world was growing to be a hell outside. I still remember the feel of that dream exactly the moment when you slept beside me, it was a summer night and you filled it with endless wonder and you were gone by the time Autumn came. I remember the each moment that I spent with you from the summer to autumn.

I woke up in the afternoon and I heard your voice. I was scared and astonished I tried to close my eyes and go back into that dream again for the person was completely different from the dream than the one I called. I couldn’t go back to the sleep but as I closed the shutters of my eyes I was engulfed with million thoughts and feelings. I felt that I found someone who can completely turn my world around and that, I can tell her the things that I don’t feel like telling others. I can share with her my hopes and fears, the dreams that will never come true, goals that never can be achieved and disappointments that life has given. I felt that when something good happens I wouldn’t wait to share with her and she would never be embarrassed to cry with me during my bad times. I felt that my whole world is a quite bank of a serene river when she is around. That, she would always appreciate me and like me for who I am and not for who I should be or who she wants me to be.

During these confused thoughts there was time when I decided to share all the secret of my life with you because I though you’re my safest place on this earth. And then all the colors would seem brighter and all the smiles will turn in to laughter. I became so certain that a phone call or two a day will break all the tiredness of the working day and bring inevitable smile on my face and on yours. Your presence wouldn’t require continuous conversations but in quite moments I would speak loads of things with you. I imagined that things that never fascinated me before would now interest me because they are to your interest and I would never let go of a chance which separates me from you. Suddenly, this hope took place in me that one day you’ll open your heart knowing that there is a possibility that you might get it broken someday but instead you experience such a love and joy that you never dreamed of. That, you’ve found a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will always be loyal to you till the end of the time. But…but I woke up from the deep slumber and realized that I’ve gone too far but still I’ll dream that some of it will come true, not all but some.

So I just saw my life completely different from what it is right now and in the moment I felt that this cruel life killed my dream, brutally. But again, my dear, there are seas in this world that can not be sailed; there are mountains in this world that can not be climbed; But people out there are still trying their best to become legends.

Tricks of the Trade

July 20, 2011, I posted a blog titled “Locker number 49”. That included my experiences during my early days in Malaysia. I used to work as a part time banquet attendant in Grand Millennium Hotel in the heart of the city. I earned $5 an hour and I worked as long as 18 hours in a day. It was a hard earned experience during those days. I always told myself that someday I’ll get myself served on these tables. Someday.Last night, 26th June 2015, nearly 4 years after I went to Grand Millennium hotel and bought a buffet dinner $138 each in a fine suit. I was filled with pride and triumph of being able to see and feel the a dream come true right in front of eyes. I was on the other side of the buffet lane this time with a liberty of choosing anything I would want. Most of my hunger was filled with the surprising looks by some of the previous colleagues who were still working there; and some with happiness. I didn’t eat much but that was the best dinner I ever had. An Indian chef who knew me well, made me a special butter bread that made me feel so special. My old supervisors were still working there and they were glad to see me advance pass them. In short, it was an amazing experience of a dinner that brought me a vivid picture of who I used to be and who I am today.

The journey was not easy but I never gave up. I started to believe in courage, rage, hope, believe and expectations. It wasn’t easy. If it was easy, everyone would do it. I’m glad made it this far. I’m glad I chose not to give up and strive to make myself a different person today. I’m glad I took those decisions that were way too risky for me. I’m just glad where I’m today.

I wouldn’t say my life is perfect today but its contented. Struggles of moving forward are everlasting but to be able to find myself working in one of the top-ten multinational companies in the world from a small time waiter – well I would say it was an amazing journey and I’m glad I made it here. I’m glad I chose myself to be here.

Self-belief is most important thing in life. People would come and tell you that you can’t do certain things because they themselves can’t. One person’s opinion can never be your reality. You know in your head the truth of your life. Trust me, when you achieve a smallest goal that you’ve set in your life, it gives you the happiness and freedom that you would never feel again.

Moira Rogers once wrote,  “The two hardest things to say in life are hello for the first time and goodbye for the last.” It certainly brings smile and deep thought in our minds when we think how can a Hello be the hardest thing to say. We end up saying numerous hellos and goodbyes in a whole day and we don’t even remember them at the end of the day. It’ harder when it comes to someone who is on your mind.              Life is quite complex and complicated when it comes to meeting new people. it can be difficult to meet new people, however, sometimes, you might feel like you have to repress or modify your personality a bit, and stick your neck out there and expose yourself to some potentially uncomfortable situations. The effort tends to pay off, but oddly enough, the older we get, the more difficult it becomes to meet new people. And sometimes it is better not to ask an uncomfortable question or reveal the affection for someone who might bring unintentional pain. It is better to keep quite and preserve what you have left.            It is a general phenomenon that people push hard to become what they think is ideal to fit into a new society or a social group. I believe, it is better to stay the person you are and wait, until the environment recognizes you. The new environment may not be like the one you’ve been into in the past or something that you’ve anticipated. Sometimes one should need to step out of the person they used to be and try to become the person they are or the person they want to be. Certain situations really test your emotional strengths. Most of the times you say or do things that you never wished for and they lead you towards some unwanted results.          Expectations play an important role in one’s emotional state. It is never easy to decide what to expect from who and when. Generally the initial idea is that you’d want people to like you and you would try hard to make them feel the same way. I believe until you get yourself completely into an environment you are in sub-conscious state of mind. So it is very important for you to make wise decisions at good times. You need to speak words in such a way that you don’t feel like taking them back later on. Moreover, we would go and talk to someone very nice and would leave our heart and mind to that person or to that situation or the moment. Later on we start thinking differently and we regret our own generosity and we wish to take everything back and we fail. Such things appear when we forget our inner self and try to become someone you’ve ever been before.          At the end of the day you feel lost and lonely, which is normal but that doesn’t have to be the case all the times. But disappointment is gonna be there. It is difficult but yet ideal that the ‘Hello’ once you begin shouldn’t reach to a disappointing ‘Goodbye’. Sometimes goodbye is the only way but it doesn’t have to be so hard. But truth is you can’t do much about it. It’s a magical thing. You would wish to let them happen and in the end you regret. Regretful feeling is not permanent. All it takes is to stick on the road and make your way. Whatever is lost can be brought back. For, What goes around, comes around.

A rational truth… 


Yesterday, as i was writing on the greatness  of human beings, I was distracted by the noise outside. I went out to take stock. I saw men barking and each other and some dogs were busy having a sweet slumber. 

(Krishna Chandar)

Hospital window

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man couldn’t hear the band – he could see it. In his mind’s eye as the gentleman by th! e window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.

He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, “Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.”

Author Unknown…